The Nefilim Zoon: The Shadow Path

“As we begin the end, let us close the wound this time, my friend. We live….together….forever…every breath that you will take, I’ll breathe." “Zoon, Part 3, Wake World” from the Nefilim album Zoon

Those words are tattooed onto my soul, a mark of my passage through the underworld. When it was released in 1996, 30 years ago, Zoon found me at a point of real darkness, not wandering through the forest darkness, but displaced from my self darkness. It was a bandage pressing against a raw and open wound. And it held that broken part of me when nothing else would. The lyrics spoke to something in me, saying I know this territory, you are not alone in it. Zoon became more than just my salve, it became my sanctuary.

Rather than writing a retrospective of the album, or going through the specifics of how it held me through the darkness, I want to honour Zoon with a ritual that takes you into your own shadow, utilising Zoon as the fuel for your own dance into the forbidden depths.

This ritual should begin in a place of grounding, when the night is full, or at a liminal time between day and night. If it is available to you, lie on the Earth to gaze at the night sky, embracing the darkness. If this is not possible, then lie in a dark room, preferably one with plants or elements of nature like rocks, bark, or moss. Cleanse your ritual space with whatever incense, herbs, oils or waters you prefer. Relax, breathe deeply and feel the Earth beneath you, feel the strength of her, the ancient energies beginning to stir as you open to receive them. Feel your body becoming porous, dissolving into the Earth. You are no longer a solid body, you are energy, vibrating in harmony with the cosmos. Move down through the layers of Earth - feel beneath the bones, plants, a thousand microorganisms that are the living soil nourishing us - to layers underneath. Descend into her until you reach a time when Earth was primal and wild. There were no cities, no “civilisations”,  only rock, vegetation, lava fields, swamps, and ice. Lay on that Earth, look at the sky, the beautiful dark sky, where stars and planets shine brightly, where nature turns her eternal cycles of life and death. Take another deep breath, and prepare to see the faces of the primordial goddess.

When you are ready, visualise yourself in a forest on a chilly Autumn night. There is a cave, barely visible on your left. The entrance is lit by torches, it feels warm and inviting. You walk to the entrance of the cave, and see no person or animal. You venture further in, and see three paths which will take you further into the darkness. The first is dimly lit by a black light. From the entrance emerges a young goddess. Waifishly thin and pale, dressed in sheer black gossamer and spiky boots, she resembles a goth you might see at a Fields of the Nephilim concert. “Wanna party?” she asks cheekily, and you know that this path is going to be a hell of a ride. Your guide on this path will help you uncover your deepest desires, those you have kept hidden from yourself. But this cave can be a trap for the unwary, a prison of your desires that you won’t want to leave, a bit like Hotel California, if you remember the tune. “You wouldn’t trap me here, would you?” you ask. She replies, a bit unconvincingly, “I wouldn’t dream of it, but you may trap yourself. I’ll point the way out when you are ready.” You consider her tempting offer, then walk to the middle entrance. 

The middle path is lit by a red light, and you see a streak of what looks like fresh blood on the floor. A woman emerges from this entrance, dressed as a warrior and holding a rather deadly looking crossbow. She offers you a choice of weapons. “Fight with me warrior, I have your back” she says, and you know that she is formidable. Who better to help you face fears and break taboos that steal your divine spark? The road will be hard, and bloody, but you have an ally, and of course, you also have the voice and lyrics of Carl McCoy to hold you, to keep you motivated throughout. You may come out broken and bloody, but she will not leave you to die in the cave, you will emerge.

You pause for a moment, thinking that the warrior path sounds dangerous but fun. You walk to the last entrance. This path is lit by white light, casting ominous shadows on the wall. You hear whispers, and an elderly woman emerges, leaning on a staff. She is small, and her tanned skin is wrinkled like worn leather. She has a serpent tattooed on her left arm that goes from her shoulder to her wrist. She wears a simple shift dress, and a circlet on her head with a bird skull, it is hard to tell but you think it is a crow or raven. Her face is scarred on one side, a wound that healed badly, but her eyes are bright and fixed on you. “I cannot compete with those two”, she sighs, “go and have your fun if you like. But here you will find the wisdom to see things as they truly are.” You wonder what sacrifice will be required for this journey, so you ask her “what is the price for this wisdom?”. She eludes your question, “your sacrifice is not mine, your path is not mine.”. She holds out a sickle, “you will need this, regrets and past sorrows block your path with thick vines, you’ll need to remove them.” With that you get a sense of your journey, but you know the reward will be worth it.

Now you must choose your path for this journey. What holds the most value for you right now? Do you want to uncover your hidden desires, conquer your fears, or see things as they truly are? All paths are valid, all will shake you to your core, all will transform you.

Know that whatever path you choose, you enter the cave naked. You will be stripped of your masks - those you wear for work or social situations. All programming and expectations will fall away, what people have projected onto you, their beliefs, their desires, their demands, will dissipate as you descend. Your personal history, those you’ve loved, those who have betrayed or hurt you, they will fade into nothingness. You are none of those things. You, the pure essence of you, will remain. You will move like a current, like a force of nature, sometimes a storm, other times a raging fire, and occasionally you may move like a bubbling brook or a silent breeze. You embody shadow and light, creation and destruction, at will. Your allies will walk with you, but the path into shadow is yours to walk, and at the right time, they will leave you to it, appearing when needed.

One thing to note before you immerse yourself in Zoon - there will be forces on your path who may try to rob your divine essence. They can cause damage, but they cannot destroy you. Be on guard, and trust your guide.

Once you have chosen your path, press ‘Play’ to listen to the full album, end to end, close your eyes, and walk into the cave. 

(Listen to Zoon)

After you finish your journey, take some time to reflect on your experience in the cave. What did you gain? What did you pay? And how do you want to carry that forward in your life? Not everything from the cave needs to come home with you, but what you choose to carry is yours now. If you have time, try to close the ritual with a mirror of the opening, lie on the Earth and feel your way through her layers again, until you come back to that primordial state. Staring at the night sky, let yourself come back home. Say a silent word of gratitude to the goddess for her guidance during the journey, and another to Carl McCoy and the Nefilim for the incredible aural experience. 

You may wish to try a different path once you have integrated this journey. Each one offers something special, each journey holds unique knowledge for you.

If you would like to delve into a wonderful analysis of Zoon, I highly recommend this article by Beth Winegarner: Nephilim Reborn: Zoon. Feel free to also explore more on our Fields of the Nephilim page as well.